Something that a lot of people get wrong is what introvert and extrovert really means.
And introvert isn't someone who likes to be by themselves. An introvert is someone who gets their energy from alone time. Being around other people drains them. Whereas an extrovert gets energy from being around other people, and spending too long on their own will leave them lethargic and miserable.
Of course, I'm an introvert who hates everybody, so it's a moot point for me. (Kidding! Sometimes.)
I wonder sometimes how much our talents come from our personal tendencies. Writing is essentially a solitary task - yes, there are critique partners and events like NaNoWriMo, but at the end of the day, you still have to sit down and type x-ity thousand words onto the screen. And if you can hold a conversation while you think of reasons for people to explode things and fall in love, then my hat's off to you. Could you be an introverted theater manager, spending 14-hour-days directing people and overseeing everything? Maybe, but I'm not sure how.
There are probably degrees. Some people are probably fairly balanced between introvert and extrovert. Personally I'm a pretty extreme introvert; I need hours and hours of time alone to recharge after something so simple as a normal work day. And of course, a day is never as simple as just work - we come home and see family and friends and travelling royalty or whatever. In some ways I'm fortunate - I'm able to function on small amounts of sleep and I use my late-night alone time to get the bulk of my writing time. In other ways it's less fortuitous - I'm pretty sure "well rested" is a cruel myth.
Maybe there are some people out there that life comes easily for, but I don't think there are many. I think the "average" 9-5, family, friends structure of American life isn't a perfect fit for most people. We have this idea in our heads of what our lives "should" look like from TV and movies, and we forget that in real life we don't get convenient training montages with complimentary glasses. Things work differently in real life. People work differently. Life isn't a one-size-fits-all.
Tell me - what adjustments do you have to make?
THANK YOU. Nobody seems to understand that just because you're socially competent and maybe even charming, you can still be introverted. People drain me so much, especially when I'm not used to constantly being around many people. It's not quite as bad if you've been working in an office with set hours for some time, but hard to adjust to if, for example, you work from home regularly.
ReplyDeleteI would be interested to see peoples' adjustments to being in any constant social setting (like an office) while being introverted but friendly. I constantly have people approaching me to chat, although I would prefer for them not to. It's difficult for me to turn them away and not engage in their conversation.
Like you, I get my alone-time after work. Being with my significant other doesn't drain me and it's basically alone-time if we're in the same room but doing different things.
Thanks for the thoughtful article.
-BB
It's true, a lot of people just don't get that they're misusing the terms. And that just because someone is good at something (like being social) doesn't mean they necessarily enjoy it.
DeleteI don't mind being around people in social situations, but when I am, you'll find me drinking beer. I don't like to be around people a lot because my thoughts always keep me two stories behind the current discussion (someone actually said that to me before). I would interject my thoughts and everyone would go, "Huh? That discussion was two topics ago."
ReplyDeleteIt's too draining for me to even explain to those people where my brain is and how it operates. That's probably why I like to communicate through my writing. It actually gives me a chance to be social and get my thoughts out without being made fun of for my timing. :D
I consider myself pretty balanced though. When I'm around like-minded people, I'm usually very out-going and friendly, even helpful.
It sounds like you've got things pretty well figured out for yourself. That's great! And yes, communicating through writing is so much easier for me as well. I'm pretty good at playing the sociable game, but it's more acting than anything. If I really want to say something well, I like to put it in down on paper.
DeleteExactly!! I work retail right now and I swear that job is killing me.
ReplyDeleteBut I love this. Someone sent me an article last year about what being an introvert truly meant and since then I've been able to embrace it. It really help pinpoint why I didn't like my job and understand it and stop seeing being introverted as a bad thing. Everyone is different. It's what makes the world a more interesting place to live in. ^_^
Oh absolutely, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert! We get bombarded with media telling us how our lives are "supposed" to look and there's all this pressure to be hugely sociable. If we all really lived those cookie-cutter lives, it would be a boring world for sure.
DeleteYay, someone else who gets that the introvert/extrovert labels really have to do with how you process "social energy". Most people consider me outgoing - I'm friendly, I'll strike up a conversation with anyone in the room, everyone at school/works knows who I am...but I NEED that time alone when I get home to "recharge". DO NOT interfere with my "me time".
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do think I get better writing done when I'm simultaneously chatting with my friends online. I'm a big-time multi-tasker, and my brain always needs to be fully occupied.
Thea - your multi-tasking while simultaneously being social is exactly how I function!
Delete-BB