Never Let It Be Said That I Don't Sincerely Love My Vocation

Remember one of my favorite Disney sequels, Pocahontas II? The review went a little like this:

Of course Pocahontas wigs out and gets thrown in jail. It's up to John Rolfe to save her!

0 points for efficiency, but as ever, full marks for style.

Thankfully, John Smith is around to help.

This is Utta's face when they show up at the prison.
Just so you know.

"All this time you were alive... Why didn't you write to me?"
Uhh, because you can't read English?

The movie makes a fantastic use of its ten-or-so minutes before they have to resolve the plot to really establish the differences between the two leading men.

And then there's Utta.

Also Utta can run over exploding bridges because Utta is the man.

In a love triangle between John Smith and John Rolfe, I
pick Utta.

Little did I know, Team Disney heard my secret prayers. They made a product that could only have been devised from the most arcane alchemy, out of my hopes and dreams and a pinch of stardust. They made... this.

THIS IS NOW A THING THAT I OWN.

P.S. Work has been crazed but 101 Dalmations 2 (because Disney knows what its public clamors for, amirite?) is coming soon.