Disney Princesses, the "Obligingly Sweet" Edition

Hey so, I know everyone is up in arms about the changes to Merida right now (me too don't get me wrong), but can we just talk about the other Disney princesses for a moment? Because their looks have been updated too, and, um...

Why does Belle have sex hair? And why is Rapunzel giving me bedroom eyes? Cinderella's all... wispy, and Jasmine looks like this adorable sweet midget, which is sort of the... opposite of her characterization. Tiana and Aurora are the only two that look halfways normal, and even then, why is Aurora's hair suddenly done in crimped sex kitten waves?

For some reason Ariel was relegated to the B-squad where Pocahontas usually sits, but check this nonsense out!

Her head is as big as her torso and her eyes take up half her face.
I see that Disney has discovered anime.

Mulan looks a little checked out.

Wow Pocahontas, you're looking rather... coiffed. And happy. I miss
your bitchface.

Also, this description of Pocahontas:

Pocahontas loves nature, and she spends her time exploring the land. After she falls in love with a man named John Smith, it's up to her to discover her destiny and bring peace to her people.

"Pocahontas found a man so then she got to do stuff." Eff that noise! And this one gives me rageface too:

Jasmine is a dreamer who loves her pet tiger, Rajah. She's free-spirited, confident, and kind. When she meets Aladdin, she discovers the wonders she's often imagined outside the palace walls.

Excuse your face, Jasmine LEFT ON HER OWN. Before she met Aladdin. That's HOW she meets Aladdin. I know I'm being nitpicky here, but come on, there is a huge difference between "Jasmine is the kind of girl who ventures out of the palace she's always known on a quest for adventure" and "A dude brings Jasmine along on his adventure so she actually gets to do stuff".

These are the Disney princesses I'm used to (except Tiana, because it is actually impossible to find a picture of her and Pocahontas together. Which... hmm). And while they don't exactly promote a range of healthy body types, at least they do have some small variety in build and expression. I particularly appreciate that they have shoulders, which none of the updated princesses seem to possess. I think what I hate most about the updated princess look is the vapid doe-eyed kawaii expression they all have.

I will give Disney credit for one thing, though. This ad is awesome and adorable: